Rageaholics Anonymous Stopping the Anger Cycle   <Printable Version>

         Once an alcoholic takes that first drink, their chances of getting drunk increases exponentially.  Once a

         rageaholic expresses their anger, their chances of throwing a tantrum increases exponentially.  Abstaining

         completely from acting on our anger is the only answer for a rageaholic.  The following are things we

         can do right now to avoid expressing our anger and opening the door to another rageaholic episode.

• Take Responsibility-     Regardless of what triggered us, acting on our anger is dangerous for ourselves and

others. It is time to stop blaming others for our rageaholism.

• Score Your Anger-         Each time we start to lose our temper, it is useful to score how angry we are on a one to

ten scale.  When we reach a 5 or more, we can try some new behaviors.  (See below.)

• Stop Speaking-               When we feel our anger well up, we need to stop talking. This may feel very

uncomfortable at first but talking when we are becoming angry is the first step to a rageaholic episode.

• Walk Away-                      When we get angry and continue to argue, we do things we are sorry for later.  It can save

a marriage, job or trip to jail to take a break when our anger is starting to rise.

• Interrupting-                    The quickest way to escalate a situation is to talk over someone.  Even if they interrupted

us first, concentrating on not interrupting will keep us from having a rageaholic episode.

• Staring-                             There is a huge difference between paying attention and glaring.  When we stop staring

 to intimidate, it stops the cycle that escalates anger to acting out.

• Cursing-                           This is not a moral point.  When we stop using profanity, we stop fanning the fire

                                                of our anger. 

• Name-Calling-                 This is just like cursing.  When we stop using demeaning terms (like calling people

"stupid" or "crazy") we stop the expanding cycle of anger  that could lead to a rageaholic 

 slip.

• Threatening-                   We use threats to manipulate and control others.  A threat usually implies "I will leave

you or hurt you."  It plays to other's insecurities, usually escalates their feelings and, moreover, takes our anger up a notch.

• Pointing-                          The cliche is true.  When we point at someone else, we have three fingers pointing

back at ourselves.  When we stop pointing, we have an opportunity to stop blaming others for our anger problem.

• Yelling-                              When we yell, raise our voices, or talk in a mean tone, we fuel our anger. Many of us

are unaware when we start to raise our voices.  Ask others to let us know when our volume is rising and thank them when they tell us.

• Sarcasm-                          Using sarcasm  and mocking others is a way of expressing our anger and humiliating

those we care about.  It is time for us to come clean and stop saying "I was just joking."

• Throwing Things-          When we throw things, slam doors, or bang walls, we intimidate others and escalate

our anger. It is time for us to stop physically showing our anger.

• Touching-                         When we touch, hold, or push someone in anger, we are committing a crime.  Even if

 we claim it is self-defense, aggressive touching must stop.

• Hero Stories-                   When we recount angry events with us as the hero, we get to re-feel those powerful angry

feelings, fueling our addiction and justify our actions-So let's take responsibility for our anger, not glorify it.   

• Eye Rolling-                     We can communicate disgust and anger non-verbally by rolling our eyes, sighing or

making mouth noises. By doing so, we often raise the level of animosity by inflaming the other person. It is time to recognize when we do it and abstain from doing it.

• Criticizing-                        It is not our job to help anyone with anything they haven't asked for help or advice on.

Criticizing and lecturing are no longer on the "to do" list.

• Angry Driving-                 Speeding, angry horn honking, cutting people off, and yelling at other drivers top the list

of ways to keep our anger bubbling.  We now attempt to drive in a relaxed manner, regardless of how everyone else is driving.

         These tools are adapted from Newton Hightower's Anger Busting 101. 

Feel free to visit his website at http://www.angerbusters.com

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